Marriage Counseling
by EternalFormat
Summary: Rukia thinks they have a problem; Ichigo doesn't believe so. Can the counselor save their marriage? Who is he? I won't say until someone says the correct one! :) Rated T. Ichigo x Rukia. One-shot.


**Ichigo and Rukia's endless bickering is hilarious :). One-Shot!**

 **Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Bleach. Tite Kubo Does.**

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 ** _Couples Counseling_  
**

"Good afternoon, Mr. and Mrs. Kurosaki. How can I help you today?"

"I want our relationship to get fixed." Rukia sat formally, her fingers fumbling with the hem of her sunny dress.

"I don't see what's the problem with our 'relationship'." Ichigo sneers at his wife as he lay on a sofa, arms folding under his chest.

"But I see that you requested this 'session', Mr. Kurosaki." The counselor said, holding up the folder which read, 'Ichigo Kurosaki, Rukia Kurosaki - 2:30 PM'. "That's a lie! _She_ spoke to the receptionist _not_ me! I was dragged here from my bed!" The man spoke defensively.

"And there's the problem," Rukia states as she shoot daggers at her husband, "He doesn't put enough effort in our marriage. He **never addresses** the constant issues we have, assuming that it'll fade away, he doesn't want to go out, unless it's with his 'friends'. He doesn't compliment my looks-"

"I give ya compliments all the damn time!" Ichigo snaps, sitting upright and facing the short woman. "We do go out every day!"

"To 'Renji's' place! That isn't going out, you bakka!"

"What ya expect, a romantic dinner at the picnic while the sun is setting?!"

"Yes!"

"No! I am not with the entire romantic stuff! Why couldn't we just go to the movies instead, _like normal couples_?"

"I want ours to be special!"

"Okay, okay!" The counselor raises his hand. "Obviously, there's a **lack** of communication going on. Yelling is not a form of communication-"

"Yeah, how would _you_ know?" Ichigo stares at the man with an annoyed look. "Ichigo!" Rukia fumes as she clenches her fists. "What? He's a counselor; not a damn psychologist!"

"Actually, I am." The counselor responds, poking his glasses before he continues, "I have a Master's in psychology, so of course I _would_ know, Mr. Kurosaki. Now, please sit down." Ichigo hesitantly sits and leans over, eager to hear what the man was going to say next. "As I was saying, yelling does not help situations like this. Speak like human beings, not like crazed mammals. How long have you two been married?"

"Four years- Ow! What the hell was that for, **Rukia**?!" He growls at the pissed woman. "Four years!" She yells as she begins to throw pillows at her husband, "We've been married for nine years, NINE!" Rukia smacks the man hard, causing him to fall over. "Enough with the violence, Mrs. Kurosaki! Oh my, what great damage you had done!"

"I take it back!" Ichigo bellowed. "She's been abusing me since the day we first met!"

"Eh? Y-you kicked my butt!"

"You broke into my house, no, MY room!"

"I did not! I was trying to protect you!"

"Protect! You weren't strong enough!"

"How dare you insult my strength!"

"Alright!" The counselor pinches his nose. "Where did you two meet?"

"It was about thirteen years ago," Rukia sat and she blushes, "He was a human at the time, and I was a soul reaper, sent out to cleanse the Hollows. One night, I sensed a heavy presence of a hollow near me, but something strong was interfering my senses. I followed it, and entered his room." She chuckled. "That's where he kicked me, and we argued for a bit before I explain to Ichigo what was going on-"

"Since then, we clicked." Mr. Kurosaki chimes in. "When she was taken back to Soul Society, I felt... Empty. Devastated. Hurt. Alone." He grips onto the ledge of the sofa. "I fell in love with her. Those luscious lips, her large, purplish- blue orbs and her raven hair. Her personality is amazing, and I would _kill_ anyone who dares to block my path."

"Nii-sama's not included." Rukia eyes narrowed at Ichigo. "But he said he'll murder you himself!" He retorts in return. The man was expecting to hear Mrs. Kurosaki shouting back, but, he was surprise that she didn't. "You fool." Tears began to form. "Nii-sama **wouldn't** kill me. Hisana was his wife; I am her sister." She felt her knees wobble as she walks over to Ichigo. "She died begging him to find me, put me under his care, make sure that I called him 'Nii-sama'. I-I didn't know I had a sister until after Aizen's betrayal." Rukia fell onto her husband, who manages to catch her as she continues to sob. "I'm sorry for your loss, Mrs. Kurosaki." The counselor picks up a box of tissues and hands it over to Mr. Kurosaki. "Your wife is mourning; in pain. Lost. Confused. Traumatized most likely. Instead of calming her down, let her weep. Tears can be emotional; they are meant to fall, not held. When she cries, you must be there at her side. **Cry with her.**

"As for the constant yelling, remember: it does not solve conflict, but creates more. Take her out... I do not mean 'Your friend's'. Take her somewhere special; or the movies. Not all dates have to be romantic, but, make sure she is happy." The counselor removes his glasses and Ichigo twitched.

"G-"

"Hush it, _strawberry_. You two need ta get laid. I recommend three-six times a month. Now get outta here; I need ta teach my students." The man gruffs as he stood up and puts on his coat. "Give her a jacket; it's cold as hell outside."

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 **So what do you guys think? Can ya guess who was the counselor? ;)**

 **Let me know!**

 **LikFavReview!**

 **Sincerely,**

 _ **EternalFormat**_


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